Many feminists have written about how Ted Mosby from the show How I Met Your Mother is a perfect representative of the toxicity of the “nice guy”, the guys who are presented as “desirable nice guys who will do anything for love, and who deserve the attention of women because of their niceness.”
Yet, watch any female-oriented romantic movie and what do you typically find? A nice girl as the protagonist and any man who doesn’t return her affections is a jerk. In fact, she doesn’t even need to be all that nice, attractive, or good- she’s a woman and that means some man should want to be with her. On the other hand, men, even the nicest, most attractive, and good men need to prove themselves worthy to be with a woman. We are comfortable and supportive of that dynamic and the opposite is considered abusive and demeaning to women.
Two T.V. shows had very similar settings and themes, only with main characters of different genders: Sex And The City and How I Met Your Mother. The first revolved around Carrie Bradshaw, a sex column writer in New York who details the relationships and sexcapades that she and her friends get into over the course of several years. How I Met Your Mother revolves around Ted Mosby, an architect in New York and his many dating adventures.
You’d think thete could be little difference in the attitudes about these two similar characters, particularly because they are both hopeless romantics who just want to hold onto the idea that love and soulmates can truly exist.
Well, maybe some people do. But not feminists.
When the show is about Ted’s dating adventures before he meets Mrs. Right, the many women he dates are “barely more than props to account for Ted’s story”.
When the show is about Carrie Bradshaw’s dating adventures before she meets Mr. Right, the many men she dates are “a few jerks and weirdos, several just-for-fun flings, a handful of innocent casualties who really did nothing wrong except get caught up in the chaos of Hurricane Carrie,and then, of course, the main players who logged the most screen time and experienced the full roller coaster ride.”
When Ted Mosby pursues Robin, he is a creepy stalker who can’t take no for an answer.
“She tells him clearly that they don’t want the same kind of commitment, but he continues to pursue her relentlessly, thus not respecting her wish. Even his pursuing was actually kind of creepy. He enters her apartment without her permission, in order to surprise her with a blue string quartet. And when she doesn’t know how to respond after the ambush, he pressures her to have an immediate answer.”
Yet Carrie Bradshaw believes that “when men attempt bold gestures, generally it’s considered romantic. When women do it, it’s often considered desperate or psychotic.”
Ted Mosby thinks he is entitled to love just for being nice to a woman.
“They are one more patriarchy trope. They tell man that, if they treat women somehow romantically -even like stalkers-, they are entitled to their feelings. Women must love them back, because they have earned it with all their suffering, all their unwavering love, all the relentless pursuing.”
https://medium.com/@vcasaisvila/barney-versus-ted-the-real-misogyny-of-himym-a598164a17d0
When Carrie Bradshaw pursues Mr. Big, she deserves his affection and he’s the jerk for not returning her love.
“While Steve and Smith and Harry, despite their flaws, offered an unconditional, supportive love to their partners, Big spent most of the series evading and denying Carrie any kind of closeness. Nearly every woman I know, when chasing after a man that felt a bit out of her league and disinterested, thought of him at some point as her “Big.” He represents that love we must conquer over years and years of hard work. He is the man that we work for, despite him treating us in an objectively terrible way, because his rejection is sweeter than any other man’s acceptance.”
https://thoughtcatalog.com/chelsea-fagan/2014/03/why-carrie-bradshaw-is-the-worst-possible-person-a-woman-could-idolize/
Men must provide “unconditional love” in order to be good partners, but expecting women to is abusive, apparently.
When Ted Mosby dates 31 women and sleeps with 20 of them over nine years, he’s kind of a slut with far too high expectations.
“Nine years may be a long time, but thirty-one women? Perhaps this wouldn’t be an issue if Ted was just looking to have fun, or date casually — but he’s not. He’s on the quest for his soulmate, and he found thirty-one women to be inadequate for this role. If you ask me, Ted’s not looking for someone to connect with — he’s looking for perfection.”
“(It also begs the question: who is really the problem? These women or Ted?)” https://medium.com/@pricelindy/ted-mosby-from-himym-is-a-jerk-not-a-romantic-fc4c3a4e5fb7
When Carrie Bradshaw dated 28 men and sleeps with 18 of them over 6 years, well, she of course couldn’t be called a whore and she is just a romantic adventurer who “loves love and is always optimistic about finding the perfect man for her…[and who] doesn’t give up on herself and what she truly deserves.”
Ted Mosby is a horrible character because he is really a misogynist who thinks he is entitled to women and their affection. He is a perpetrator of the patriarchy.
Carrie Bradshaw can be considered a horrible character because, though she presented herself as a feminist, independant, free-thinking woman, her life largely revolved around her boyfriends, clothes and fashion, and acting like a teenager. She is a victim of the patriarchy.
Nevermind that it is women who loved Carrie and her story solely for the reason that it revolved around her boyfriends, clothes and fashion, and acting like a teenager.
I wish I could say that this double standard was limited to the fictional world, but we are increasingly seeing it in laws.
Women want it to be a crime for men to send unsolicited pictures of their genitalia. https://www-theroot-com.cdn.ampproject.org/v/s/www.theroot.com/sending-unsolicited-pictures-of-your-penis-is-a-form-of-1802749386/amp?amp_js_v=a2&_gsa=1&usqp=mq331AQA#referrer=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.google.com&_tf=From%20%251%24s&share=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.theroot.com%2Fsending-unsolicited-pictures-of-your-penis-is-a-form-of-1802749386
They insist that men must wait for them to ask for the pictures. But this isn’t usually a problem for women, not because they always wait to be asked, but because men don’t have a problem with women sending naked pictures of themselves, even before they asked for them. Also, women tend to be affronted when a man asks for nude pictures of her. So this results in a world where women have the freedom to send nude pictures as they like and most often can expect to receive positive feedback if not outright invitations for sex and dates just from sending a nude picture. It’s at least understandable that men would like this too and send those pictures hoping that it might happen.
Unapologetically Anti-Feminist 